I’m sick, so I won’t be updating this site regularly for now. Ha ha, what a joke.

Coddleston, coddleston, coddleston pie,
Why does a chicken, I don’t know why.
Ask me a riddle and I’ll reply,
Coddleston, coddleston, coddleston pie.

Two days ago my cousin (19) died of a drug overdose; his funeral is this Sunday. I don’t really know why I’m posting this here; I guess I want something here to be in his memory. Goodbye, Eric. I’ll remember you.

I have become a compulsive gum-chewer. I chew a piece of gum for perhaps a few minutes, get tired of it, and spit it out. And then, a few minutes later, I decide that I want to be chewing gum again, so I pull out another stick. I guess this is somewhat like a smoking addiction, but it’s not an addiction, because I could stop if I felt like it. Not like this is a chemical withdrawal from gum I’m experiencing here. Unless it’s nicotine gum, but it’s not… Oh wait a second, I bet some enterprising gum manufacturer’s thought of putting addictive substances into their product and covering it up, just like how tobacco companies manipulated nicotine levels in cigarettes, as was the subject of the 1999 movie The Insider. Granted, I dozed off during that movie, but that’s a different story altogether. But a reputable company like Wrigleys? Nah, I refuse to believe it. Shoot, I have to cut this entry short because I’m out of gum and have to run down to the store and get some more.

Here’s a histogram of my friends’/acquaintances’ birthdays and where they fall out during the year.

As you can see, April and May are underrepresented and in the interest of diversity, I would like to make more friends with birthdays in those months. If you were born in either month, (especially if I already know you (but not your birthday)), please e-mail me. If you were born in December, though, I’m sorry but I unfortunately must reject your offer of friendship; December’s quota has already been exceeded. Thanks for your help, everyone, in making my social network as birthday-ly diverse as possible; I feel as if my life is enriched by the equality we, together, promote.

When I have nothing else to write about I can always write about a book I’ve read; that typically seems to spark some sort of creative writing mechanism in my mind and I churn out prose which subsequently has absolutely nothing to do with the item itself I’m purporting to begin analysis of. So let me see, then, what have I read recently or semi-recently? How about… Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I believe that’s a book classically read in high school, but somehow I missed reading it. Another one of those high school English-course selections is Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury, which I also managed to miss and need to remedy one of these days. And now, somehow, as I write this, my brain has taken a turn to…

My friend who recently got a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend who has turned slightly insane. Well, gradually so, because he was rather insane to begin with, even though the times I met him he seemed to be quite normal. But then I helped her fix her computer after he’d thrown it on the ground, and I think only having heard about the present craziness doesn’t do any sort of justice to the reality of the situation: the stalking, crazy phone calls, smashed car windows, and so on. I understand that the emotions he must be feeling are crazy as well, and I sympathize, or rather pity, because he does this out of some sort of obsessive infatuation for her. I’m sure it represents a known psychological disorder, which when I think of it (while revising this entry) reminds me of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), alhough I don’t know the symptoms and OCD deals with little things, I understand. Repeatedly checking the stove to see if one has left it on, for example. Nothing emotionally harmful, like this; a dependency on asserting or testing one’s relationship to a person, or doing something to affect that person.

An important ability is the one to let go (more OCD-like; noting this on the revision). To look at yourself rationally and try to establish what your goals are; to realize that you have to stop acting a certain way because it’s not only hurting whatever specific goals you have in mind. (For example, does he want her back? Is that the goal? Does he realize that every thing he does, therefore, not only does not affect the probability of that happening, which is now zero, but is also self-defeating?) What other goals might there be? To cause discomfort in others and even greater discomfort in yourself? But it’s not a rational mind doing any sort of thinking or analysis here… So I say, and everybody has to do this about various things (may they be, though, more benign), let go. Sit back. Calm down. Decide you’re going to change something in your life. Move to a different place physically and mentally. Change your routine. Set your mind on something else. Take up alcohol to fill the void, because at least that’s going to only harm you and not others, and perhaps one day you’ll have the strength to get over a chemical addiction, because perhaps that’s easier than an emotional addiction. Fine, I know these things are easy to say, and have I really been there? Anywhere near there? No; I can extrapolate and observe, but that’s about it. In general, though, there comes a point when your rational mind should rebell against illogical self-destructive actions and decide it really had better whip that other part of itself into submission and go do something productive and non hurtful. I guess this is easier said than done; I guess I haven’t been there, so I don’t really understand. It’s like chemical addiction. To me it seems that if I were a smoker and I heard enough things about how bad smoking is, I’d realize that rationally I was just hurting myself and would up and quit without too much fanfare. Or maybe some fanfare, because I’d tell everyone. I’d throw out all my cigarettes; I’d lock myself inside; I’d go to the gym and run 10 miles a day at whatever speed I could manage.

Or would I? From my limited experience it’s not lack of willpower that keeps smokers from quitting, but a willingness to rationalize smoking itself as something that’s really not so bad. It’s as if the part of the mind which would otherwise be responsible for saying “enough!; this is hurting you, you have to change” either doesn’t exist or doesn’t assert itself. (Which are effectively one and the same, since the end result is the same.) The same with this guy. It’s an emotional dependency of some kind. A bad psychological addiction as if to a chemical, which suppresses rationality. That’s what they mean, it seems, when they say “addiction changes brain chemistry”. But so do so many other things. Emotions, for example.

See, I try to understand everyone at least on a cursory level, that’s the thing. Even messed up people, because we all seem to be given plenty of opportunities in life to get worked up over something or think too much; to be illogical; we’re often compelled to do something we know we shouldn’t because the net effect is only harmful. Maybe I shouldn’t even try to understand someone as harmful and irrational as this person. But on the other hand, beyond issues of anger management and emotional control, I think he’s sick and needs someone to reach out and help him. That’s not going to be me, unless he happens to read this (which I doubt will occur), and is in any way inspired by what I wrote, which I think is unlikely. I’m just musing out loud. Maybe sometimes people who are like that need something to shock them straight, but probably even that will have no effect most of the time.

Well, enough speculation. Did I say this was going to be a review of Slaughterhouse Five? I guess that’ll have to wait. When I get writing, who knows what it’ll be about. And I’ve already gotten enough crumbs of this crunchy toast in between the keys of my new laptop.

Ah, an Agatha Christie book. Are these formulaic, like the Hardy Boys and Tom Swift (which I’ve mentioned before) or do they follow a specific trend or are they mostly different from each other? I don’t know; I’ve never read anything by Ms. Christie before, notorious (but not in a bad way) writer though she is. I remember back when I was in third grade, there were Agatha Christie books on the shelf in our classroom, but I never deigned to pick any of ‘em up. Preferred the “Choose Your Awn Adventure” books, which I kept my place in by means of all my fingers (to return to decision points when my character died or the story just came to an end), later graduating to paperclips. I remember reading some of those from cover to cover, even, disjointed though the story turned out. But the books were action packed so reading in orded didn’t matter. Same thing as the movie Memento (which everyone pronounces as “momento” as in “un momento por favor”, but it’s not that, it’s memento, ya uneducated fools!). “Memento: A reminder of the past”. As in, a keepsake. The main character’s tatooing his important data on his arms so that he’ll know who he is when he wakes up each day.

Is this supposed to be a review of Murder on the Orient Express in which I’ve instead said virtually nothing about the book, just random circumstances which don’t even surround the book? Was that a rhetorical question? Anyway, it was good, and that’s all I have to say. The main character is the detective Hercule Poirot, who seems small and average and unassuming until he turns his powers of intellect to the mystery itself and solves it light years ahead of everyone else. (And do keep in mind, though, that “light years” are a measure of distance and not time, so that doesn’t really apply.) Anyway, PBS had a mystery series featuring Poirot mysteries, and now I shall just have to obtain videos and watch them.

This was a quick book to read, or would have been had I not been going at the pace of about one-half page per night before I fell asleep. That’s not to remark on the quality or excitement level of the book, which I assure you is up there on the charts. Rather, just the way my body works when it comes to sleep, information which clearly has no business being in a book review. And now since this review contains more meta-information than anything relevant about the book, I’ll stop. I recommend it, that’s about all I have to say.

I sort of raced full speed towards a cliff and then went plunging over. I guess if you’re trying to post something every day and you miss a day then it’s all over, so you might not even bother trying to keep up with it anymore, eh? That’s the problem with resolutions. Well, like I said, I didn’t make any, so it doesn’t matter. So all right, I make a January 12 resolution and see how far it takes me. If I fall off the cliff again I’ll just have to pick myself up and make another resolution.

There’s nothing like a good half hour well spent mindlessly playing Tekken Tag against a sibling. Especially when you win, but my brother didn’t stand a chance.

I like dark chocolate, not milk chocolate. I suppose in the spirit of the prior posting I could ramble on for a bit, and touch upon what random subjects my mind sees fit. My friend has taken over the prior position I held at my old company, and I’m happy to see that even after his second day, he’s catching on and has absorbed more than his predecessor, whom I trained, was able to pick up in weeks. (Sans unnecessary modesty I feel I’m a decent teacher, so that’s certainly not the issue.) I still do a small amount of work for the company on an as-needed basis, as a consultant, which is a nice arrangement, not the least of which due to the fun and friendly atmosphere in the office. At least, it certainly seems that way upon my exposure to it on a once or twice weekly basis with adequate sleep and no stress on my part.

[http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=picassosinatra Paul] and I are going to organize a group and build [http://world.std.com/~j9/sponge/ this]. There’s a link to a level-two “sponge” the author of the page constructed, but I think his sponge is boring because he points all the cards inwards to expose the white backsides (for consistency). I’d certainly want our sponge built exposing all the different and interesting business cards of which it’s formed.

I take back a great deal of what I said about Firefox, since I’m back to using it. Don’t laugh, anyone. (By which I mean you, Zenia!)

Hmm, look at that, I’ve managed to post at least one item per day since the first of the year. By pointing this out am I invoking Murphy’s Law or the evil eye or something like that and so now you’re inevitably not going to see another post for, say, a month or so? Not really, because I didn’t make a resolution to post here more often or anything, I just feel it would be nice to be more, say, “candid” is the only word I can think of. Which means that most of the time I’m going to be writing about something that the majority of poeple who might read this would find boring, but I’m definitely going for a quantity over quality angle, here. Because sometimes you eat because you’re hungry, and you want some decent yet not epicurean food in adequate quantity. Sometimes, it’s true, you’re in the mood for the gourmet. But most of the time you just want to not be hungry.